Friday, November 27, 2009

and he say 'thank you"

having a chance to be a medical student, for me, is a bless..

i am reminded of the greatness of Allah the Almighty everyday, every wonderful the creation of His..and how He can take evrything that u own in a split second..all that u believed to be,might not be at all..u might be a brave, strong & tough soldier today, but who knows what will happen to u tomorrow? u can end up being a cripple who would be in the ward for 3 damn years, needing assisstance in doing E.V.E.R.Y S.I.N.G.L.E T.H.I.N.G you can do so effortlessly today. counting my blessing everyday..thank you Allah..


that day..i went to a pt's bed just for i saw his finger pointing up..up..i don noe..somewhere..
i saw a few student nurse by his i asked them what is he pointing to..they shrugged.
not sattisfied with the given gesture, i ask the pt myself.."pakcik..pakcik tunjuk ape tu?"..i have to put my ear sooo close to his mouth as he could barely speaks..he whisper.. "siling"..i was so happy to hear a respond..then i ask again "ohh..ade ape kat siling tu pakcik?"..without looking at me he answered "bunga2"..

i was enlightened..

i have been in the ward for 3 weeks..but never once i reallise that the ceiling is decorated with small stamped flowers..that small flowers..created an impulse in that pakcik's that is the only thing he could do now..SEEING..he cannot move as freely anymore..he is as stiff as a wood..every single movement need a generous amout of effort.

i reallise how i took things for i go thru my days, just for the sake of living..days goes by pass me..time passes me so quickly..i should take time to look at things carefully so that i can SEE..not just looking, but seeing..


from that day onward, i go to his bed everyday..talking to him..trying to make an active conversation..just so that he would not get too is a pleasure to hear his respond..eventho sumtimes i have to asked him to repeat his answer soooo many times, he did it willingly. never once he keep himself quiet when i asked him questions..


one day... when i was putting some gauze on his legs, to take off the pressure from the mould he has to wear to straighten his crooked legs..'"mencengkam" as he would say it..i look at him, patting his head, and....

i ask "ok x pakcik?"..........
"x ok" he whispered......
"x ok?kenape?mencengkam lagi kaki?".....

i pull up the blanket up to his neck..and i giggle..he is so cute in that position!!haha atok yg comel..

"cmni pakcik??ok x??sejuk lagi??"
"dah ok??hehe...ok...skang pakcik tido ek pkcik..tido yee" putting my hand on his head


for the first time,he look at me in the eye..
and whispered ever so softly..

"terima kasih......"


i froze.holding up my tears.


that is the most beautiful 'thank you' i ever got..
so precious..
so sincere..
so pure..


thank you Allah..
thank you for letting me be in 'my shoe'...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

aku sudah lupa

aku kini sudah lupa.

pernah x alami situasi begini?...

pabila cikgu tnyakan soalan. yg kalian tau jawapannya..sgt tahu..pernah jwb soalan ini..erghh...siap ingt lagi dr muka surat mane dibaca makumat ek?lupaa...xingt..sgt xtercapai dek akal..sgt tau tp sgt xtau..


aku juga sudah lupa.

aku lupa bagaimana rasanya apabila sepasang mata memandang tepat pada anak mata aku, smbil mgatakan betapa aku amat disayangi..

aku juga lupa, bagaimana rasanya hati berbunga2 sepanjang hari..menunggu saat bersua..

sudah aku tidak ingt bagaimana rasa leburnya hati tatkala aku ketakutan, dikatakan pada aku supaya jgn dirisaukan kerana pasti akan selamat diri ini..

tidak ku ingt bagaimana ingin pecah jantungku bila aku rehatkan kepalaku ke bahu dan dirapatkan pipi ke ubunku..

bagaimana ya rasanya bila aku lihat dr jauh senyuman terukirkan untuk ku..hanya untuk aku.aku sudah lupa..

sudah aku tidak tahu langsung bagaimana bibir ini lenguh dek senyuman setiap kali aku terima mesej2 indah.. setiap masa, setiap hari, setiap minit, dari fon kecil yg kini sudah tidak lagi berbunyi..

btul aku sudah lupa..bagaimana darah mengalir sperti tsunami..bilamana kawan2ku menceritakan bagaimana diri ini dipertahan dari belakang..

ingin sekali ku ingt bagaimana rasanya aku mati seketika tatkala telinga ini dibisikan betapa aku diingini..

aku sudah lupa